Dying to Know Advocacy (end of life wishes)
- Ann Cox
- Jul 22, 2025
- 3 min read
Do you know what your grandparents or parents wishes are, or your own if anything happened? Let's tackle hard conversations more often and advocate for better care.
Dying to Know Day - free events are on in August all over the world!
If you are supporting ageing parents, caring for a loved one with a life-limiting illness, or want to plan ahead for your own end of life, we have lots of experience in our network.
We are a group of volunteers, who have lived experience of end of life support. and training as End-of-Life doula and working with others as part of the Melbourne Inner North End-of-Life Doula Hub. Together with Yarra City Council, we are co-hosting an event on Dying to Know day on Friday 8 August 2025. Join us for an open and honest conversation about end-of-life planning. Hear from guest speakers, learn about local services that are available and take-home helpful resources
Ask the questions you’ve been dying to ask in a safe and supportive space:
- advance care planning
- wills and legal issues
- palliative care
- voluntary assisted dying
- home-based care
🗓️ Friday 8 August 2025 ⏰ 10.00am - 12.00pm
📍Djerring Community Centre, 4 Eddy Crt, Abbotsford VIC (next to Collingwood Town Hall)
Some of the things you may want to consider:
Tip #1 - Nominate a Trusted Person
Who have you appointed as your Medical Treatment Decision Maker? Good idea to nominate a second person in case the first is away. See information from the Office of the Public Advocate and form here. You may consider various ways and people to discuss your wishes with.
End of Life Doulas help people discuss and plan their wishes, many run free public events sometimes called "Death Cafes". Some also do private bookings as part of their consultancy work.
Tip #2 - Advance Care Directive
The next stage is to discuss your values and wishes with loved ones, then begin to fill in your Advance Care Directive. These are used by hospitals to understand your care and treatment wishes, or more importantly at what stage you do not want medical intervention. The answer will vary for many people depending on their quality of life and if they wish to receive resuscitation, antibiotics or other types of care. For example, would you prefer to be able to speak and tolerate some pain, or be almost unconscious and not be able to speak? See Advance Care Planning Australia, then select "Create your Plan" (choose your State of Australia) to select the right one for your loved one.
Begin today by checking off all the things you need to do - you might imagine 'what if we needed this .... tomorrow'?
Tip #3 - Leaving a Legacy
Your legacy forms part of how you would like to be remembered, what are your greatest achievements? Would you like to write a message, or record a video for others? Will it be a mix of happiness and or sadness? Is there a particular charity in your area, or elsewhere that you would like to support, with a project or financial donations? Your Financial Will is also a place where you can consider supporting loved ones and charities or the Arts of your choosing. Also carefully consider the long term care of partners or other carers who may still be living in the home.
Tip #4 - Use A Checklist
There are many checklists available, some that I like include: Your Final Checklist by Proveda. On the same page they have forms for writing an "Emotional Will" and "Your Letters". Another is by the Inner North Community Foundation - you can download their very practical checklist here: "Leave a Legacy, Not a Mess - A Guide to End of Life Tidy up"
Tip #5 - Writing your own can encourage others
I wrote my directives just before urgent surgery in 2019 and have recently updated it. However, my mother is from an age where these things are not talked about, slowly she has realised we need to look at these things every few years. Her GP clinic asked all senior adult patients to complete one and speak with their nurse, prior to Dr sign off.
Who can be a great person to talk to about this?
From my experience, let the person know what you want to talk about prior to meeting. That way they can be more prepared and may be curious about your thoughts and have a few considered questions. As a Counsellor and Carer I have seen and heard some wonderful stories that bring people together. But also some shocking ones that damage relationships, particularly in sudden death when people do not know what their loved one wants. : Let's reduce the stigma of talking about our wishes. You are welcome to leave a comment below.
