Someone to talk to in life's lonely or difficult moments can increase wellbeing.
-by an end of life Doula, professional Counsellor, Support worker and Secretary
Sometimes people book me to visit, or speak with their relatives, wherever they are are part of my dual roles as an end of life doula and professional counsellor.
If you are worried about someone who lives alone, or they are lonely and you cannot visit, there are people who can provide a regular friendly chat.
If you think that they may appreciate this - check with them first!
Show extra care with a wellbeing chat or support
As we get older, friend groups become smaller, people move away or become ill or die. We decrease the amount of work, groups and activities we were involved in. What does retirement look like in your family, and what is the reality? Can you visit more often?
I regularly listen to people discuss their choices. In your area there will be options for visitors - including support workers, professional counsellors, or it may be an EOL doula. Personally, I like the description of doula, as someone who cares. You may have multiple people as part of your care team.
Hospital or Nursing Home Visits
Yesterday a friend advised e that an end of life Doula was visiting a patient next to them in hospital - it prompted this blog. A Doula can visit people regularly, or some may support remotely. Visiting is just one of the tasks that a Doula can do. Generally we would like to get to know someone first, by visiting them at home, when they are well, and help them plan ahead. We can support them along their journey from time to time when needed. This may look like 3 hours to begin with, then once a month, or 10 hour packages, reviewed and adjusted as needed.
According to research after the pandemic, remote support gives some level of support, especially if no other other option, however: "lower levels of in-person social contacts were associated with loneliness" - Cone and Lee, 2023
Search in your area for the type of person you need
Visitors come in all sort of shapes, sizes and experience, either individuals or through an agency. I am working with a retired, GP, an ex minister, teachers, nurses and many other ordinary workers that are wonderful compassionate humans. Some people volunteer, and for others it is their most important work, that also pays their bills. There are support people for all budgets.
Those with a passion for talking and listening about end of life.
In Australia as a culture, we are not good at talking about death even through it is a natural part of life, something we need to plan for, like having a Will, it is your final wishes. We want our families to know what to do, and not the Government telling them what will be done. That is why people may choose to go to someone they know who is comfortable talking about end of life and what a good death may look like in various scenarios. Then consider options for local professional services, and writing their Advance Care Directives. These are discussed and signed by your Medical Practitioner. An End of Life Doula can support you through this without giving medical advice, they refer you to sources of information and may provided you with copies of forms.
An idea to boost productivity, (shared with a laugh): Â "to write your end of life papers out, and share them as if they might be needed.... tomorrow!" - F. Bentley, 2024
As a Counsellor, I am an expert in talking and listening
Because I have lived experience in providing end of life care in the home privately, and as a paid support worker I have unique experience. I am also a professional counsellor via my degree and membership of the Australian Counselling Association.
Each end of life doula will have their own areas of expertise and may charge around $60+ per hour plus travel. This is great value for their knowledge and training!
You can look at the Australian End of Life Doula Directory here: https://www.endoflifedouladirectory.com.au/
Personally, as a registered Counsellor, my fees start at $150 for a home/hospital visit of 90 minutes. Ongoing support packages are normally booked 3 to 10 hours with remote options being more affordable (phone or telehealth). While most bookings are made privately, support may be partly covered by some home care or NDIS packages.
Find out more public information via Dying to Know Day Â
Book your support with me
You are welcome to leave a comment.
References:
Cone, N., Lee, (2023). J.E. Older adult communication types and emotional well-being outcomes during COVID-19 pandemic. BMC Geriatr 23, 178 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12877-023-03856-8
Seldman, G. (2022). How Do Digital and In-Person Interactions Affect Wellbeing? https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/close-encounters/202209/how-do-digital-and-in-person-interactions-affect-wellbeing?eml Â
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